Thursday, March 22, 2007

Thursday XIII: 10 - Lame Tour Guide Jokes

A Certain Tour Guide's Lame Jokes Told During Her Running Commentary Aboard a Motorcoach Full of 7th and 8th Graders Touring the DC Area: (And there's no escape!)

  1. If we pass a swamp or flooded area with dead, leafless trees, I tell my group that those trees are, 'dead dog trees', because they have lost their bark!
  2. Those who work at the Department of State hate to eat at their cafeteria since it mostly serves Rice!
  3. Some people, when they first see the Capitol Dome in the distance, think it is the White House (no joke)! I explain that it is a dome, not a domicile although it does have a House, you can't live there!
  4. The American Pharmaceutical Association building was originally designed for the cabin Abraham Lincoln was born in; it is located across from the Lincoln Memorial. All the tour guides refer to it as the Tomb of the Unknown Pharmacist. Interestingly enough, it was designed by a Pope. (John Russell Pope)
  5. The Department of Labor was the first federal building in Washington, DC to be named for a woman. Frances Perkins was the first female cabinet member as Labor Secretary during FDR's administration. Personally, I think it's appropriate for woman to be Secretary of Labor, since women are in labor far more often than men! (If you don't believe me, ask your mom!)
  6. If we pass a field with cattle, I point out the 'super cattle'. Super cattle are the ones that are outstanding in their field! The sitting ones are, 'ground beef'!
  7. The Lincoln Memorial is the only Presidential memorial to make sense. (If you don't believe me, look at your pennies!)
  8. Pointing out a flock of sheep: I'm looking for the iron sheep! Have you ever seen, 'iron sheep'? No? Where do you think steel wool comes from?
  9. Hay is now in large, round bales; the cattle don't like it. Since farmers started to bale the hay that way, the cattle haven't had a decent square meal.
  10. The official residence of the Vice President is very beautiful. Unfortunately, during the Reagan administration you couldn't see it, because the Bushes were in the way! During the Clinton administration, the view was Gore-geous! Now, there's a Cheney fence around it!
  11. Some of those who work at the Supreme Court play basketball on the roof of the building! Now that's what I call the highest court in the land!
  12. The Supreme Court also has a fast food snack bar but they can no longer serve a Frankfurter or Burger there. However, lawyers love the desserts in their cafeteria because they serve torts.
  13. This is by far the worst of the lot! While visiting or passing the large statue of Albert Einstein I tell my group that he is actually my cousin related on two sides of my family. You don't believe me? So what do you think E=mc2 means? Einstein is my cousin on 2 sides of my family! Well, that's my theory of relativ-ity!


elementaryhistoryteacher said...

Very the kids catch on? I do some of the same kinds of things in the classroom sometime and my quips just go over their heads sometimes.

The Tour Marm said...

If they don't at first, they catch on eventually! (It's fun to hear students trying to explain the pun or punchline to their friends!)

Occasionally. I have them come up with their own puns concerning the trip. At least four of those are included here.

This are the 'tried and true' standard jokes of a DC trip.

But the catch here is that I include these straight-faced as part of my commentary both on and off the bus. The students start to listen to every story I tell, intently, because they're not sure whether it will be plain information or there will be a punchline!

Think about the information you have just learned by reading these!

Apple said...

These were cute. I'll have to try out the farm ones and see if I can come up with a couple of local ones for our longer trips.

The Tour Marm said...

If you can do that in time for my New York State tour, that would be great!

Mrs Mecomber said...

HA!!!!!!!!!!! My husband actually has a rendition similar to some of these!!!

The Tour Marm said...

Welcome, Mrs. Mecomber!

Does he have any he would like to share? There are two buses of captive eighth graders to keep entertained on the road and the other tour guide may need some help!

BTW How's Beck's Dinner Theater?